Sink or swim

To tell you the truth, I never imagined I’d make it this far. Through my childhood and adolescence, I had one particular desire; to simply fade away.  There were no dream careers, jobs, houses, vacations or cars. I had no dream husband and I had zero desire of having children. When I was younger I wished of winning the lottery for my parents and donating the rest of the winnings to charity, and that’s the extent of it. I hoped that once I was old enough to be on my own I would move away from everything and everyone I knew and just be. I wouldn’t tell anyone where I was going because I assumed no one would care anyway. Waiting everyday for the sign that would tell me today’s the day, because in a heart beat I would leave it all behind.

I found myself in such a depressive state of sleeping most days with nothing to look forward to for days on end. Everyone around me moving forward while I was at an internal stand still and this would go on and off for years. I had my moments of being relatively socially active (to my extent) and enjoyed being out in the world but these days would only last for so long. I was unable to stay in school or keep a job or have healthy relationships because there was nothing I enjoyed more than laying in bed even when my bones ached to be active. After years & years of feeling empty and unworthy of love, happiness and everything in between, and through a turbulent relationship or 2..or 3, the pieces started connecting. At this moment shortly after turning 21, I was ready to be more, do more and live more. I pushed myself through an adult alternative school to finally receive my high school diploma (after legitimately struggling with my education for years). Although I didn’t jump right into post-secondary education after finally graduating, I worked at a job that I enjoyed going to each day and saw a progressive role in for the future. And importantly by leaving unhealthy relationships and habits behind I was able to rise above the person I was and slowly but surely transform myself into the person I am now.

via Daily Prompt: Above

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