These are the Outer Limits

So often occurrences in my days are manifested in my thoughts. I’ve written about this before. An unclear dream at night followed the next day by something tragic or wonderful. Thinking of someone and then seconds, minutes, hours later receiving a message or phone call from them. Wishing and hoping for something to happen and then what do you know… the wish comes true. I don’t believe these to be mere coincidences.

It’s 10 p.m at night. For the first night in about a week, everyone else in the house is asleep. My husband followed by our youngest are very soundly sleeping. Our oldest is a quiet but active sleeper. And our puppy-guest nephew is actively resting, as in anytime he hears the slightest noise his head perks up, eyes open wide and if he’s scared he’ll let out a bark. The past 2 nights I suffered through with a no-medication breaking migraine accompanied by neck and joint aches. The past week since falling off the no-sugar wagon (cue horrible long lasting migraine) I’ve been getting at most 3-4 hours of sleep each night with those hours interrupted by puppy noise, children nightmare + “Mommy, can I have some water?” noise, and snoring noise.

As I sit in the bathroom with no pup accompanying me around as my kids did before they gained what seems like complete independence at their tender ages of 3 & 4, I feel enveloped in the quiet. The apartment is dark aside from the dim bathroom light for nighttime use, the TV’s are off and room doors closed. I’m not home alone but I feel very separate. I should be off in the dream world that I miss dearly during the day when life can get too busy and noisy to bear from time to time. But my fingers have been itching to type while my right leg bounces rhythmically with words in my mind swirling around until I land on the right words to write.

I sit in the bathroom with not even the noise of water drip-dropping, picking at my brain for a subject to get lost in. I have ideas for hair related posts that I’d like to get published but those have been the topic for my latest social media uploads. And while I’m just starting to feel normal again after dealing with physical pains since the end of last week, I don’t have any pressing emotional pains to sort through at the moment so what can I blog about? I’ve been trying to put together a piece on Amy (in my mind notepad) because her songs have been on repeat in my head since yesterday. I’ve loved her music from the first note I heard in Tears Dry on Their Own. She has a special place in my heart and like many others in the world, her tunes touched my soul. Through my random thought process I see a light-bulb flash brightly. The peace in solitude.

As I sat there, the post I thought about tackling before clocking out to dream world was along the lines of: How just the quiet time at night after everyone has gone to sleep can somehow feel brand new. How it can feel like something you haven’t experienced in what feels like days, years even. How just 5 minutes by yourself feels surreal when you’ve spent the entire day talking, walking, and doing x, y & z. How in this rare moment you feel as if you should be doing just about anything other than completely enjoying the quiet and this time to focus on you.

And then…

I left the bathroom because I felt the gears turning in my mind and I had to get to writing. Along the way I picked some toys and clothes up off the ground so no one tripped in the dark. Put clean dishes away in the kitchen and tidied up the recycling. Peaked in the kids’ room to make sure their blankets weren’t on since it causes them to wake up screaming in puddles of sweat. Cuddled the puppy a bit in his drowsiness and put my husbands eyeglasses & remote on the night table. Made sure the front door was properly locked and windows closed since we’re back to below zero weather at night time. Chugged a giant glass of water, got my earphones in case I wanted to indulge in Amy’s ballads, then sat to wait for my struggle laptop to power up. Once I typed in my password and opened Google Chrome, I kid you not, I completely forgot why I even down in the first place. Remembered I wanted to write a post but the topic then eluded me. Sat and thought, and thought, could not remember. Got to the WordPress reader page and scrolled down to see other posts I’ve yet to read from this past achy, busy week. And what is the daily prompt topic for today? See below.

via Daily Prompt: Noise

One thought on “These are the Outer Limits

  1. The nocturnal quiet times owned solely by self remain precious times of solitude. As a young child ;I recall walking through the family home after needing to visit the bathroom closest to the bedroom shared with my sister. Enjoyed the quieter night sounds of the furnace turning itself on and off and on again. Listened to my sister breathing by standing beside her bed ; holding my own breaths to a silent count of “3”….Thinking of our family private meaning of that number, ” 1…2…3..” = I love you.” Whispered them to my sleeping sister and crawled back into my own bed falling quickly back to sleep smiling to myself. Silence is never totally silent….Decades, on and on, continue to find it an ongoing mental health necessity.


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