And so we meet again, where
I left you before when you
watched my heart burn. Though
I will never revise my reasons for
leaving, I know there’s a
certain beauty even in the darkest
moments just before dawn
because that’s when I steer myself
away from everything that feels so
wrong.

Fear of the unknown // let go

I spent much of my teens into early adulthood fearless, but in a completely reckless way. I was living for myself and nonchalantly accepted what came and kept going.

When I entered motherhood, it was the first time I realized I needed to strip myself bare to become again. The former life I lead and way of thinking would’ve been detrimental to my health and the life I carried and would care for.

I didn’t realize how fearful I was of motherhood literally until the doctor said it was go time. Each second that passes, I live my life with my heart outside my body — x 3. Slowly but surely, this stage of my life is when anxiety really kicked in.

As they get older—I realize there’s only so much I can control and that’s how life goes. I guide and provide them with what they need in life as they grow into their own. The fear sets in of so many variables daily and I reason with them as best as I can for the sake of myself and my family. It’s a fear that will never go away but I can’t let hold me hostage either.

Feel the motions—digest and embrace them. Process them, take a deep breath and let go.